Loser

I try to handle discipline situations myself.  Sometimes I involve the administration and even less often I involve the parents.  There are a few saying I heard a long time ago, 'plant potatoes you get potatoes' or 'the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.'  I have found this to be particularly true among my most challenging students... so I usually don't seek out help from parents of my struggling students.  I don't turn it down mind you, but... well here, let me share a story from a few years ago to make my point.

I'll call him Luke.  Luke was a 7th grade student I had who was not doing his homework.  I had his mom come in and the three of us had a meeting to see if we could solve this problem.  Luke's mom, right off the bat, went into this long monolog about how she had tried everything and that she was at her wits end.  She had taken EVERYTHING out of his bedroom except the bed.  She had removed his computer, TV, phone, X-Box, stereo, posters and even his dresser.  All that was in his room was his bed.  He had to go into another room to get his clothes... and Luke was still not doing his homework or trying in any of his classes.  She went on and on about how she didn't know what to do and kept saying that she was at her wits end.  I mean she was on a roll!  She was really upset and she wanted me to know HOW HARD SHE HAD TRIED and that there was NOTHING left for her to do.

FINALLY... she paused and looked at me expecting me to agree with her, that YES she had tried really hard and YES there was nothing left to do.

I shocked her.

I looked at Luke and then his mom and said, "He looks well fed."

I paused to let my words sink in.  Luke was chubby.

Then her countenance changed and she whispered in amazement, "Oh... you can be nasty."  Now I wasn't being mean about Luke's chubbiness, I was simply pointing out to Mom that she had more options and boy did I have her attention.  She wasn't mad... she was all ears.

I looked her in the eye and I emphatically told her, "You are the Mom.  MOM always wins."  Then I looked Luke in the eye and told him, "Your mom will always win... and you will always LOSE."

I looked at her and said, "WINNER and then I looked at Luke and said, "LOSER."

Then I asked Mom what Luke's favorite dinner was.  She got a wry smile on her face as she told me... not knowing where I was going with my question.  Then I asked her what his LEAST favorite dinner was and she answered that question also... still bewildered by my questions but wanting to know where I was going with them.

Then I gave her my 'suggestion.'

I told her that she should make both his favorite and least favorite dinner and serve them both tonight... but Luke was to eat his least favorite meal while everyone else was to eat his favorite.  Mom could not believe her ears!  She looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh... you really can be nasty!"

I told her that she was the MOM and that MOM was ALWAYS going to WIN!!  She smiled with a certain sense of confidence that made Luke shallow hard.  I looked at Luke again and said, "Your Mom will always win!"

No I had her attention and she could see FEAR in Luke's eyes for the first time.

I went on with my 'suggestion.'

I asked if Luke bought lunch at school and she told me that he did.  I told her, "Not anymore.  Not until he brings his grades up.  From now on make him a peanut butter sandwich right in front of him.  Put a blob of peanut butter in one corner and don't even spread it around.  Then pick up an apple and drop it, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, a few times.  This should be his lunch everyday until you see the changes you need to see.  Luke eats his least favorite dinner EVERY night and gets a lousy peanut butter sandwich and a bruised apple for lunch every day... until YOU are HAPPY with his performance in all of his classes."

Mom sat there stunned!  Luke sat there SCARED!

I had given her a plan to WIN and she knew it... and she was thankful.  Luke didn't look so thrilled.  I was hopeful... but... the next day Luke was transferred out of my class!  Mom caved in.  Everyone lost!

So... I seek to solve problems with my struggling students myself.  Well, not really, I seek God's help, wisdom, love and grace.

Day 38