What it's All About

Three years ago my teaching world was turned upside down by my experiences with a student I will call Stanley.  Stanley was a nice and polite student but Stanley did nothing.  He didn't do his homework.  He didn't take notes.  He didn't try at all.  I tried calling home but got no where with that.  By the end of September it was obvious that Stanley was going to fail miserably unless something changed.  I went to the counselor to find out about Stanley's background.  Stanley started being pretty much a straight F student 6 years earlier.  I asked the counselor if he could be my TA during my planning period so I could work with him one on one.  We agreed to a 3 week trial period since the chance of seeing any improvement was remote at best.  I left his office feeling really good about myself and how I was trying to help this student.  But during the short walk from his office to my classroom, I felt convicted that I was only going to try for 3 weeks.  When I walked into my room, Stanley was sitting there waiting for me.  I told him about what the counselor and I had agreed to and then I told him how I was convicted on my short walk to my room.  I told Stanley that I believed I was suppose to love, encourage, challenge and teach him unconditionally and relentlessly for the entire year.  He agreed to give it a try and so our student/teacher relationship began on a one on one basis.
For the next few weeks I learned about Stanley's background and poured out my heart and soul to him, trying and expecting to change him.  I remember coming home thinking, 'Today I had made an impact on him and I was going to see some real changes tomorrow.'  This was always followed by disappointment the next day as nothing had changed.  He still wasn't trying and he still didn't seem to care.  For the first month we didn't even do any math one on one because I knew I had to get through to his heart and head before I had a chance of teaching him any math.  I needed to get Stanley to the place of wanting to learn and believing he could learn before I would bother with trying to teach him any math.  After about a month I started mixing in math with my motivational talks.  Still nothing!  I was getting no where and it was so frustrating to try so hard and get nowhere.  But God kept challenging me to love Stanley like He loves me...relentlessly and unconditionally.  I was learning the difference between hope and expectation.  Expectation is selfishness and would always rip away at my soul and make me frustrated and angry because of my disappointment in Stanley.  I didn't realize it then, but Stanley was testing me.  He wanted to see if I would really love him unconditionally and I was failing.  "Love is patient and love is kind."
 In November I finally got to the place of trying my best and leaving the changing up to Stanley and God.  I learned that I could HOPE every day that Stanley would improve and grow.  I learned that changing Stanley wasn't my responsibility.  It was my responsibility to encourage, challenge, love, enable, empower and teach Stanley relentlessly and unconditionally.  I was finally at the place of trying my best and hoping.  It felt great even before I started seeing the change in him.  Then there was one day late in November when I looked up from my desk to see Stanley sitting at his desk with his face flush red.  I asked him if he had a question and he nodded yes.  I went over and helped him with his math and then returned to my desk to work and then it hit me.  Stanley was finally starting to care!  I asked him why his face was red and he didn't know or wouldn't say.  I asked him if he was frustrated that he didn't know how to do the math and he said yes.  I told Stanley that he was finally starting to care.  He believed he could learn and wanted to learn but now he was going to have to go through a dark place of trying and still failing before he would get to the place of trying and passing.
Stanley failed my class and all his other classes, except for PE, that first semester.  He was ready to be successful but had dug himself too big of a hole.  I could not convince him to try his best at the end of that first semester.  It was hard to see him fail.  But when the second semester started, Stanley was a new student.  He had B's and C's in all his classes except for English in which he had a D.  He moved away in May with these grades and it was hard to see him go.  I so wanted him to finish that semester at my school.  I've learned so much from Stanley and other students since then.  This is what this blog is about.