Tears

My Algebra students took their test this week.  I was happy with the results of most... but there were a few that did poorly.  'Sara' was one of them.  I make it a habit of asking those that did well or improved a lot, to tell the rest of us what they thought were the most helpful things they did to cause their success.  The students sit there beaming as they share their reasons for their success with the rest of us.  I love doing this debrief.

Afterwards though, I was overcome by the thought that there were some students who might feel like I didn't care that much about them because they did poorly on the test.  I told them that I cared about each one of them regardless of how they did on the test.  I didn't want any of them to think that my care for them was dependent on how well they did.

I told them about a friend of mine I'll call 'Bill'.  His dad had died when he was around 10 years old and I was a big brother to him.  I took him everywhere and he worked for me for 4 summers.  I loved him like he was my own son.  But Bill got into bad habits and didn't want anything to do with me and dropped out of high school.  I lost contact with him for many years but always prayed for him.  Years later, he showed up one day at my house and he was happy.  He had gotten right with the LORD and was married.  He now has 4 kids and his own business and is doing great.  I broke down and started crying as I was telling my students about Bill.

I composed myself, gritted my teeth and told them, "You will never be junk.  I will always want the best for you.  I will never give up on you... don't ever give up on yourself.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made."

I wanted to say so much more.  I am crying as I am writing this account.  There are so many hurting kids.  There is so much pain.  All of these kids need Jesus.  The very thing they need is the very thing I can't plainly tell them.  I try to tell and live as much as I can, the love of Jesus.  I always have this ache that I am not doing enough.  It always haunts me.  Lord help me to speak the truth in love.

Day 108